my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
