i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
