I feel like abortions should bother me more
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
