Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
