Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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