are you still at the devil's house?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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