dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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