i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
