Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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