im so drunk with asians
where?
always
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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