he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
