how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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