Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
