right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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