i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
