someone threw a dead crab at me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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