She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you would pick up someone in the library
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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