Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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