Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
