He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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