dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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