Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize