Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
