someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
