Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
