At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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