FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
