i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
