I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
