yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
