he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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