to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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