I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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