I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
