I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize