I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
