Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
