I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
