just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
