So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
