I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
