Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
