I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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