I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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