; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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