There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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