I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Less talking, more tequila
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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