I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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