giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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