I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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