I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
