Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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