You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
