Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
