That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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