you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
handjob tips. give me some.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
