I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
