fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
