Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He has the fingertips of a God
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