wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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