I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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