Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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