So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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