I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Porn is love you can see.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
