Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
