How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
