i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Blood and glitter go together right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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