I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
