Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
