Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
