by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize