I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
