help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
