shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
