you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
