I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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