i jhust puked up my retainher.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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