I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
