I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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