So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I queefed so loud it echoed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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