look no pants
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
