i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
