I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
