Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
