Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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