he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
