Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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