Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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