I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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