I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
