There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
