Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
