dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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