How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
