omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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