Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
